I'd been speaking to Steve from the Chichester Observer about the campaign (eeek!) with a view of a possible article (eeek again!). When quite out of the blue the tears came! The thing is I've noticed that it's not when I'm talking about what I've been through or how I feel it's whenever I talk about our children or someone I love. That's the worse thing about Cancer it doesn't happen to one person it happens to the whole family and everyone that loves them! Poison me, cut me, burn me but effect my loved ones and you break me!
One of the hardest things for me was seeing the people I love cry over this horrible illness especially people you don't normally see, or never see cry. Seeing my husband cry over this has to be one of the most painful moments of my life.
During the worst parts of this journey the strongest people in my life have been the women in it. My step mother who has been to basically all of my appointments, my chemo buddy and general shoulder to sob hysterically on. My Sister has been my rock and when I've been scared she's been my safe place. She always knows how to make everything better and exactly the right thing to say to me. I never saw her cry, not once and I don't know if she did. I remember we spoke about it once and she said that to her it was something rubbish that we were going to get over and I wasn't going to die...because she just wouldn't have it! At times
During Chemo my husband had to work away and during my bad days she would stay at our parents house with Mason and I. Getting up to feed him to do the night feeds to let me sleep and help me care for him. I should add I feel it no coincidence that Mason & my sister have an amazing bond and even now we don't need her as much, he lights up the moment he sees her! I'm his Mummy but I don't doubt for a second she loves him just as much as I do.
However the men found it harder. My Dad...well he just couldn't take it! I remember at one point having a massive argument with him because he said he didn't want to see me up set and would walk away from me or come off the phone. Basically he wanted to run away and pretend it wasn't happening..
Then there was my husband who was my hero. He took care of our son, took care of me when in was ill, managed to be there for his teenage daughter..you name it he did it. At times when I would cry he would just hold me and sometimes cry with me. I lost count of the amount of times he willed it to be him going through this and not me.
Talking about this today made me realise the physical scars have healed but the emotional scars? maybe not so much! So Steve from the Observer if you're reading this, I'm so sorry I went from joking about cancer to bursting into tears to laughing again! The wobble caught me quite by surprise but you prompted a new blog post! So not all bad, eh?!
During the worst parts of this journey the strongest people in my life have been the women in it. My step mother who has been to basically all of my appointments, my chemo buddy and general shoulder to sob hysterically on. My Sister has been my rock and when I've been scared she's been my safe place. She always knows how to make everything better and exactly the right thing to say to me. I never saw her cry, not once and I don't know if she did. I remember we spoke about it once and she said that to her it was something rubbish that we were going to get over and I wasn't going to die...because she just wouldn't have it! At times
During Chemo my husband had to work away and during my bad days she would stay at our parents house with Mason and I. Getting up to feed him to do the night feeds to let me sleep and help me care for him. I should add I feel it no coincidence that Mason & my sister have an amazing bond and even now we don't need her as much, he lights up the moment he sees her! I'm his Mummy but I don't doubt for a second she loves him just as much as I do.
However the men found it harder. My Dad...well he just couldn't take it! I remember at one point having a massive argument with him because he said he didn't want to see me up set and would walk away from me or come off the phone. Basically he wanted to run away and pretend it wasn't happening..
Then there was my husband who was my hero. He took care of our son, took care of me when in was ill, managed to be there for his teenage daughter..you name it he did it. At times when I would cry he would just hold me and sometimes cry with me. I lost count of the amount of times he willed it to be him going through this and not me.
Talking about this today made me realise the physical scars have healed but the emotional scars? maybe not so much! So Steve from the Observer if you're reading this, I'm so sorry I went from joking about cancer to bursting into tears to laughing again! The wobble caught me quite by surprise but you prompted a new blog post! So not all bad, eh?!
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