She is such a joy to be around and Always has been, I'm so lucky because I know people who don't get on with their step children but for me it was love at first sight! This amazing 5 year old walked into my life and if I'm honest changed me for the better! when Steve and I first got together we waited 6 months before I met her which I still think was very responsible of him and totally Steve all over! He is a fantastic Dad to both the kids and he always put them first over everything.
So Anyway, the day I met her we went to pick her up from her Mum in Hastings and I remember all the way there I felt sick! Not because I didn't want to meet her, not because I was some evil child hater but because I desperately wanted her to like me! You here all these step monster stories and that is never something I wanted to me! I took the responsibility of someone else letting me be around their child seriously (I still do) and I didn't want to mess it up! Once we arrived I was greeted warmly by Kiera's Mum and stood for a while chatting in her kitchen. The brilliant thing about Steve and Kiera's mum is there friends! They both moved on from the end of their relationship very early on and now they have a good friendship for the sake of Kiera. It works, it honestly does! They are both amazing parents who put there daughter first, something sadly not everyone does.
From there in walked this beautiful little girl with long dark hair, big brown eyes and the spitting image of her Dad! Luckily for me, I'm one of life's talkers as anyone who knows me will tell you! So I chatted her little ears off and made her laugh. The car journey to Steve's mum's we chatted all the way and played I spy! When we arrived at my now Mother In Laws for the first time (a lot of pressure that weekend!) I was again so nervous! Seeing this Kiera took me by the hand and said "don't worry, I will look after you!"
The rest is history and she been looking after me ever since!
One of the things that makes Kiera so special is she is very good at being strong for other people especially the adults in her life. She is a very grown up 14 year old and sometimes I think we forget that really, she's still so young. Through the worst parts of my illness we hid that from her, she never saw me at my worst and I think we thought she didn't realise how bad it got. It's only now I relise that we were so wrong for thinking this.
So there we were chocolate, sofa, blanket and the movie Calendar Girls was on. Now, I had completely forgot about the cancer part to the film or perhaps I didn't pay as much attention to it before because last time I watched it cancer had not invaded our life at that point! Any how, we're watching and it showing the ladies husband during his chemo and in hospital, then unfortunately passing away. During this bit Kiera was uncharacteristically quiet and didn't take her eyes from the screen. "You ok babe?" I ask her "yep" she replies too quickly and not removing her eyes from the screen still. All of a sudden, I get it and I know she's remembering this time last year. I could of rushed to suggest we watch something else or Just turn it over, but I didn't. I didn't want to her to think she had to be strong infront of me, she's already done that enough! So instead we watched it and then as the film got lighter so did kiera. I asked if some bits (she knew what bits) brought it back and she paused for a second, reading my face as if my current expression would effect her answer. Eventually she did answer and she replied sadly that yes, it did. I tried to laugh it off saying that I was sure I never looked that ill but her gaze didn't move as she replied sadly "sometimes you did Janine". At that very moment I suddenly revised that apart from the fact I was a terrible actress, this has effected her more than we ever knew. It actually breaks my heart all over again because i don't think we will ever know how much or what goes on in head about it all. The only thing we can hope for is that whatever it is she feels it will fade in time.
One of the things that makes Kiera so special is she is very good at being strong for other people especially the adults in her life. She is a very grown up 14 year old and sometimes I think we forget that really, she's still so young. Through the worst parts of my illness we hid that from her, she never saw me at my worst and I think we thought she didn't realise how bad it got. It's only now I relise that we were so wrong for thinking this.
So there we were chocolate, sofa, blanket and the movie Calendar Girls was on. Now, I had completely forgot about the cancer part to the film or perhaps I didn't pay as much attention to it before because last time I watched it cancer had not invaded our life at that point! Any how, we're watching and it showing the ladies husband during his chemo and in hospital, then unfortunately passing away. During this bit Kiera was uncharacteristically quiet and didn't take her eyes from the screen. "You ok babe?" I ask her "yep" she replies too quickly and not removing her eyes from the screen still. All of a sudden, I get it and I know she's remembering this time last year. I could of rushed to suggest we watch something else or Just turn it over, but I didn't. I didn't want to her to think she had to be strong infront of me, she's already done that enough! So instead we watched it and then as the film got lighter so did kiera. I asked if some bits (she knew what bits) brought it back and she paused for a second, reading my face as if my current expression would effect her answer. Eventually she did answer and she replied sadly that yes, it did. I tried to laugh it off saying that I was sure I never looked that ill but her gaze didn't move as she replied sadly "sometimes you did Janine". At that very moment I suddenly revised that apart from the fact I was a terrible actress, this has effected her more than we ever knew. It actually breaks my heart all over again because i don't think we will ever know how much or what goes on in head about it all. The only thing we can hope for is that whatever it is she feels it will fade in time.
I love this kid, she is as much of a blessing to my life as my own son. I don't want to waste a minute of time I have to spend with her.
Last year Kiera ran the race for life in Portsmouth along with my family and friends as a surprise for me. I made a promise that day that I would do it this year with them. A promise is a promise, so I'm doing it and we're taking Mason along for the ride too in his push chair!
If any would like to sponsor us, Kiera & I have a just giving page which you can visit clicking on the following link :-
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Kieraandjanine
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